


Where Did I Go Wrong?

by Amber_Flicker



Category: Glee
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Depression, Disowned, Hurt/Comfort, Klaine is not the endgame ship but this is Blaine friendly, M/M, Manipulation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, OC playing a minor role, Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Starvation, Unhealthy Relationships, abusive relationship isn't between klaine or kurtbastian, it's between bas and the oc, originally for the hunger/starvation square of my h/c bingo card
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disowned and left without money or stability, Sebastian is forced to transfer to Mckinley High. And if that wasn't enough, the New Directions decide he deserves to be harassed for what he did.</p><p>As his life takes a downward spiral, depression begins to consume him.</p><p>But that's okay, because it's his own fault, right?<br/> </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had all happened so fast. And all of it was his own fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diverges after episode The Spanish Teacher.

He pulled over into a parking lot of some place he couldn't be bothered to read the name of. It was mostly deserted at this time of night. There was no way he could drive when he could barely see through the tears leaking out of his eyes and over his cheeks, where a red mark- he knew it'd bruise later- reminded him of his mistakes. Of how he didn't have a single person who gave a damn about him anymore.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He had nowhere to live and the only things he had were the things he'd managed to shove into a suitcase during the allowed ten minutes. He supposed he was lucky he even got that... Something like 2125 dollars wasn't going to get him far. He's have to find somehwere to stay and that would take a large chunk of the money away, not to mention needing food, gas for the car, and enough to enroll in a new school. There's no way he could afford to keep going to Dalton, not now. And in this town if you weren't in Dalton or the female version of it, then you were in one of the schools where violence was typical- especially to people like _him._ He'd have to go to the next town over, and figure it out. 

How the fuck did he mess up this badly? 

***  
[ _Flashback_ ]

Sebastian quietly entered the house, not wanting to wake anyone up. He ascended the staircase and opened the door to his room, but stopped in shock when he found his father glaring at him from his place on the bed. 

"Close the door." He knew somehow that he was screwed when he heard how cold his father's voice sounded. He closed the door. Maybe if he did everything he was told he could get out of this alive.

"Don't try to tell me you've been with a friend or some other shit like that. I know what you've been doing." Oh god. What was he even supposed to say now? The dread flooding him before this point was nothing compared to when his father got up.

"I- AH!" Sebastian's sentence was cut off sharply by a punch. As soon as he tried to look up, another blow hit him, this time right in the gut, and he doubled over from the pain, face in a grimace. _Get a grip, damn it!_ He willed himself back to a standing position, face-to-face with his father. Said man pushed him towards the wall, and he barely stopped himself from tumbling to the ground. 

"I didn't raise you to be like **this** when you grew up! Who taught you to be a whore, a fag?! Certainly not anyone in this house." Sebastian opened his mouth to protest, but his father was right, wasn't he? He was nothing but a whore, and not even a normal one. His father nodded. "You are no longer a member of this family. I want you out of the house in ten minutes. I am ashamed of you, Sebastian."

He gaped, panicked. "You can't do that! I'll _die_. I have nowhere to go."

"I don't care, it's not my problem anymore." How could he not care? He was supposed to be his _Father._ A single detail about him _shouldn't_ change that, but it _did._

The man stalked out of the room, leaving Sebastian alone and devasted, trying to compose himself enough to pack decently, to even move from his place. It had all happened so fast. And all of it was his own fault.

***  
He managed to arrange to stay with some person he'd fucked a few times, but it was only temporary. At least it was something, but that snatched $300. Plus _whoring_ himself some more. Next he had to find a school. He might be a screw up, but he was _not_ going to give up on his education. He checked all the high school in driving distance and not in his home town. The place he was staying was on the edge of Lima. There were three. 

Option one, Lima Heights, free, but in a completely unsafe place and the furthest away. He wasn't likely to get far there.

Option two, Lima High, was $300. It was in a great neighboorhood, but that brought him down to $500... That didn't leave a lot for food, clothes, and money to save...

Option three, Mckinley High. That was $200, in a good area... The only problem was that the New directions were there. Could he really face them right now, after the slushie incident? It was by far the best option, but was it really worth it?

***

Sebastian stepped into the building that was Mckinley High, feeling out of place and very insecure. He'd gotten so used to private schools with uniforms and order that the chaos that was this school was a little overwhelming, especially with the recent turmoil in his life. On Sunday he'd gone out to buy a few more items of clothing so it didn't seem like he had hardly any and wore the same thing all the time, and also had registered for the school. If anyone found him transferring in the middle of the year odd, they didn't mention it. He was supposed to go to the Principal's office now, and get his locker number and class schedule. He managed to make it there and not run into any of the Glee club. The principal gave him his needed info and he was off.

So far, so good. Maybe this wouldn't be so terrible. Maybe he could make it through the day, and keep it together... Yes, he could do this.

And of course that idea came to a screeching halt as he bumped into someone. He must have gotten distracted. "I'm sorry," he began, but as soon as he saw who he'd collided with the words died on his lips. One of the New Directioners- he couldn't quite recall the name, something with R- was staring him in the face, first in shock then in anger. 

"What do you think you're doing here? How could you come in here after what you did? You can't just do that and show up!" She stopped, confused. "Wait, what _are_ you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"

"I-I go to this school, now." He cursed himself for the stutter. They would suspect something off if he couldn't pull his act together. What would old him say? "I have a class to get to. I don't have time for your manic rages." He knew that was a lot weaker than his usual insults, but hoped she wouldn't put too much thought into it. Without looking for her reaction he stalked off. After all, he really _did_ have to get to class.

***

"What do you mean he's _here?!_ " Kurt must have suddenly gained hearing problems, because he could not believe what Rachel just told him. Sebastian Smythe, at Mckinley High? There was no way.

"Exactly what i just said! I ran into him in the hallway this morning, and apparently he goes here now!" Rachel seemed slightly hysterical.

"Who's here?" Santana popped out of nowhere, where she had been eavesdropping.

"Sebastian!" Rachel exclaimed. Kurt watched as Santana went into bitch mode. That wasn't good, it never ended well when she got like this. No, they couldn't afford to go get into trouble now, regionals was almost here and they could not miss that. As much as he hated to say it, no one could go give him what he deserved.

"Santana, no. Let's just try to avoid conflict. Maybe he'll just leave us alone." 

"Are you serious? There is no way he's here for any reason other than harrassing us, and he sure as hell isn't going to just ignore us if we ignore him! I say we go beat the shit out of him until he transfers back to his rich-people private school." She looked ready to do just that. Shit, how was he supposed to handle this? Santana was _stubborn._

Fortunately, the bell rang. Rachel made some irritated comment about how they just made her late and then ran off, and Santana just groaned rushed off to her own.

That worked out great, except that now he was late, too. This issue would just have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm going to attempt a multi chapter. I had this idea and I figured if I was gonna do it I'd also get one of my H/C bingo prompts done. I haven't ever written for this fandom, my characterization might be off.
> 
> All mistakes are my own, I have no beta to blame.
> 
> I'm not sure if this should even be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold it together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some time skips that may be confusing in this chapter, which covers the episode 'Heart.'

"Oh hell to the no!" 

"You're not serious. Please tell me you're not."

"I thought I saw him earlier but I figured I was seeing things."

The first thing Kurt heard as he walked into the glee room was that everyone was talking over eachother and it was very _loud._ It wasn't hard to figure out what they were talking about. By the looks of things Rachel must have shot off her mouth immediately. Typical. Mr. Schue wasn't there, and that meant he'd have to deal with this himself. 

"Guys." Surprisingly, they all shut up and gave him varying looks of apprehension. He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I already know. Rachel told me right after she ran into him."

"And you want us to go go fuck him up?" Puck said, seeming oddly excited at the idea. "Because we're all ready to do that." Finn, Artie, and Santana all nodded to that. 

"No. I-"

"Kurt. You do remember the slushie hitting your boyfriend and causing him to need eye surgery, right?" Mercedes seemed to think he was crazy. He knew she just being a good friend, but why did she have to be so- so overprotective? He could deal with his own problems.

" _Yes,_ I remember. But Regionals is coming up in two weeks. Do you really want the Glee club to get dissolved just before it happens, all because you decided to go get revenge?" "Oh, come on! No one would ever kn-" Kurt glared at Puck for the interruption. "Sue would jump at the chance if she found out- and you all know she would. We can't mess this up. For a lot of us this is our last chance to go to Nationals. For all we know, this is what he wants us to do, maybe this is how the Warblers plan to go win. Don't let it happen." He honestly didn't know how no one else realized this.

"Do you think I _care?_ It's just a competition. This is personal. This guy hurt one of our own." Puck was being stubborn, as always. 

Rachel piped in. "Just a competition?! This is _Nationals._ You are not messing this up for us!" Of course she'd be the one to support this, she really does love her competitions more than anything.

"She's right, guys. Think of the team." Finn was trying, at least, though it might just be because Rachel was his fiancé. Everyone seemed to deflate a little after that, sitting back in their chairs. Catastrophe, avoided. At least for the time being. 

"Fine. But after Regionals? He's fair game." A few mumbles of agreement arose.

Kurt really didn't condone violence, but they can't be thinking of doing anything that bad. And honestly, you couldn't say Sebastian didn't have it coming, especially coming to this school. He'd just sit back and not take part in any of it. He was all for avoidance. Kurt figured Sebastian would probably transfer back a day or two before Regionals, and then they wouldn't even have to worry about anything.

Everything would work out. 

***

Sebastian was surpised that there were no more encounters with the Glee club during the day. After Bumping into Rachel, the most that had happened was that he spotted some of them, but they didn't seem to notice him or if they did, they didn't care. It was a pretty good day. Most of the classes had stuff he already knew and he didn't really have to put any effort in. Maybe he was just worrying over nothing all this time.

He opened his locker up to grab what he needed to bring 'home.' He didn't expect to be smashed face first into a locker and therefore was unable to smother the pained sound leaving him. It hit right on the bruise. When he tried to move he realized he was pinned. 

"I don't know what you're doing here, and I don't care." A vaguely familiar male voice whispered right into his ear, and Sebastian couldn't help the slight shiver. "I want you to stay away from Hummel, and everyone else in the Glee club. Do you understand?" He opened his mouth to say yes, but no words would come out, so he settled for nodding, hoping that was enough of an answer. It was, because the arms dissapeared. But when he turned around to find out who had spoken to him, there was no one there. 

He sighed, a little shaken, though he'd expected something like this. It's okay, he deserved it.

***

Mr. Schuester wanted them to do love songs, with Valentines day close approaching. Kurt wasn't sure he felt like singing about love when his love is stuck at home with an eyepatch over his eye. Perhaps he could get off without doing a solo performance this week. He did hope by the time the day finally came, he and Blaine could go to Sugar's party. It has been a while and it was around the time the doctor said the patch could come off... Maybe it was a little much to hope for, but hey, it was Valentine's day. 

 

Artie and Rory seemed to be having a fight over who should date Sugar. He didn't understand why the girl herself couldn't just pick one of them and stop this horrible fueding. He knew that the silly arguements would one day soon be something he missed, but right now it was ridiculous. Of course, Kurt had never really had to fight over someone. He could barely get one person who was dateable, much less have to fight over anyone. There weren't many options in Lima, Ohio. But that was fine. He loved Blaine. And obviously his boyfriend wasn't going to let being bed ridden get him down, because he was sending little things to Kurt all week. It was so romantic.

What bothered him to no end was that the person who'd made it so he and Blaine were seperated was right at the school and there was nothing he could do about it. He hadn't even spoken to Sebastian, and apparently none of the New Directions(besides the Rachel incident) had had a conversation with him, either. He had expected all sorts of drama, because he thought that was why he was here in the first place. Maybe something else was going on?

No, he was just being paranoid. He was sure soon enough he'd be proven wrong.

***

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful for Sebastian. At this point he no longer had to try and cover the bruise marring his face as it had faded. It was Valentine's week, and he had no one to share it with, so it didn't really matter to him. He was beginning to feel like he could deal with this new life. It was different and he was going to have to get a job, but if everyone else could live like this then so could he. He'd managed to avoid the Glee club entirely.

Yeah, he'd keep telling himself that. 

Oh, who was he kidding. He wasn't handling this. He was stressed and angry and _hurt_ and there was no one to talk to about it, because no one cared. He missed being somehwere where people cared if for nothing but his talent and feeling safe and secure. Sebastian didn't ever think he'd get kicked out. When you're little and perfect they tell you they love you and will always love you and then as soon as you start to find who you are you're rejected in a heartbeat.

He missed _singing._ He couldn't do it at the place he was currently crashing at because he knew it wouldn't be tolerated and he obviously couldn't join this school's Glee club. The worst part was he knew it probably would help with his increasing depressive state, but there was nothing he could do. He was probably never going to sing again and maybe that was for the best because he probably wasn't even that talented and everyone just lied to him because after Blaine left no one wanted to step up and take lead vocals. 

Sebastian would just get through the day. And do the same tomorrow. And try to figure out a new career path because his dreams had been shattered and he'd just be ordinary now and everyone would _forget he existed._

 _NO._ No, he was _not_ going to do this here. He was not going to break down. If he did, there would be no getting back up. He was going to push through the stupid 'depression' because he was _fine._ He would deal with this just like anyone else and get over it. It's not like anything that bad had even happened to him. Tons of teenagers get kicked out, with nothing. He didn't need anything. He did not need to sing. He did not need to cry.

Keep it together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is relatively tame, because it's to get the story moving so we can get to the ~~arguably~~ interesting part.
> 
> I might not get a chapter out for a couple weeks, I'm in the midst of moving.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You don't want someone like me in your club."

"Everyone, I have an announcement. I've just gotten word that Sam has come down with the flu and won't be able to be up by Regionals. We just don't have enough people to go without him." Everyone looked very distraught at this news, but the seniors most of all. All they'd worked for, and now they couldn't go? "But don't get upset yet! We have a week left. If we can find someone else to join in that time, then we'll be able to go! There has to be someone else at this school; maybe they just need a push to join. Your assignment this week is to go get us another member in time for Regionals."

"So, to be clear, does it just have to be another body, or do you want them to be able to carry a tune?" Tina asked.

Santana nodded. "Yeah, because we could just get one of the Cheerios..." 

"If we can't find someone, then we can do that, Santana. But I want to try and find us another real member. We're a team and everyone should be able to help out."

"And by help out, you mean sway in the background?"

"He means to be backup for me and Finn!" Rachel said excitedly. "I mean- we obviously need decent voices to be able to keep up with _our_ talent!"

Mr. Shuester didn't bother to correct her, he knew it would do no good- and everyone was glaring at her anyway. "I promise everyone will get their chance to shine, but right now let's just worry about finding someone."

***

 

He had yet another job interview today. He'd already tried a few places, but no one was hiring him. He still had enough money for a little while, he couldn't start panicking yet... Maybe it's because he needed a later shift so he could continue school? He couldn't take a daytime job, he needed schooling. And yet he needed a job to _stay_ in school.

Sebastian noticed less people in the halls today. That made sense, a lot of the students were coming down with the flu. It was the season for it. He just hoped he didn't catch it. He could not afford medicine or staying in bed. He had to keep going; He couldn't get sick at any cost, he thought as he shoved his backpack into his locker. There was no room for slip ups.

He looked out over the crowd, trying to figure the quickest way to class. Less chance of Glee-encounters. Unfortunately, none of _them_ seemed to be getting sick... Not that he wanted them sick, it would just give him less people to worry about. Obviously he passed them in the halls sometimes, but they didn't bother him and he didn't bother them. He knew that could change in an instant, because he didn't _deserve_ the courtesy of being ignored.

***

Mercedes had the idea to put a sign up sheet stating their urgent need for members up in the hall. Kurt knew it could be hit-or-miss, but it was a good idea, so he helped her design it and put it up. He had a feeling they would just end up recruiting a Cheerio, if anyone wanted to sign up they probably would have already. Mr. Scheuster was hopelessly optimistic. It was a nice quality, but had it's downfalls, he thought as he left class.  
It had been a day already and he hadn't seen anyone so much as stop to look at their sign. It was a shame, he'd put a lot of effort into making it noticeable. Kurt decided to check it in case a name had been signed when he wasn't around. He rounded the corner-

And then he stopped. 

Sebastian Smythe was standing in front of the sign.

Kurt stood still, waiting for something to happen. His first thought was that Sebastian was going to rip it down in order to sabotage the attempt to get more members, because he was still sure that was why he was here in the first place. But as he watched, his thoughts began to drift. This was the first time he had seen him without his Dalton uniform. Kurt had to admit he looked good, and he didn't have horrible taste in clothing... NO! No, he didn't really just think Sebastian looked good. Nope. But he continued _looking._ His posture wasn't as confident as Kurt had always seen. Now his shoulders slumped a bit and he didn't have that stupid smirk on his face. It was weird seeing him completely off guard... _No, Kurt, you're supposed to be watching him try to sabotage, not this!_

Sebastian took a step towards the sign, but seemed to lose his nerve. He walked away from it, eyes downcast. And Kurt, busy truimphing over their sign remaining, didn't register that Sebastian was walking towards him. 

They inevitably bumped into eachother.

Kurt was knocked out of his daze, about to apologize, but then he saw the shocked face of Sebastian. He waited for the surprise to disappear and a biting retort to leave his enemy's mouth, but he just straightened up a bit, briefly glancing into Kurt's eyes, and then resumed walking. And though he knew he should turn around and give a comment about how the other should watch where he's going, the haunted look in Sebastian's eyes was bothering him.

***

Today was one of the better days. He didn't even care that he'd been disowned or that he couldn't find a job or that he couldn't sing. He just felt empty. And that was so much better than the turmoil of emotions he'd gained lately, even if it was awful to think that feeling nothing was better than feeling human. He doubted he'd even care if the Glee club finally decided to start bothering him. Everything was good. He was in control.

Until he saw something that caught his eye. It was a sign posted in the hall, white with black and purple stripes around the edges. The New Directions were down a member and needed another in order to go to Regionals. He didn't even know he'd stopped to stare at it. Sebastian didn't think they would actually get any sign ups. The Glee club was apparently looked down upon here and no one wanted to join them lest they become a 'loser.' No one except him.

 _No, you don't want to join. For one, they would never let you, for good reason, and also? You'd probably fail the audition. No one there likes or wants you and you don't deserve anything._

But he still, somehow, considered it. He really missed being able to sing and perform, and wouldn't it be worth being around people who hated him? He took a step up to the sign, quite ready to grab a pen and sign, but he stopped. He couldn't, and he knew it.

He turned to walk away. It didn't matter. He didn't need more to do, anyway. He was so busy looking down and losing himself in thought that he bumped into someone. He completely meant to apologize and be on his way, but when he looked up he was staring at Kurt Hummel. and no, he wasn't ready for this encounter. He knew it was going to happen, but as much as he tried his mind was still too _fragile_ to handle this. Sebastian knew what was expected, some bitchy remark, but he couldn't pull anything together- how had it been so very _easy_ before? So he tried to return his posture to _normal_ and pushed past Kurt, not meaning to look him in the eye as he did so.

***  
Mr Shuester clapped his hands to try and get the ruckus that was the Glee club to quiet down. It didn't work the first time. Kurt(who was sitting in his seat like he was supposed to be) shot a glare at the few people still chattering away in the corner. They were wasting valuable time they could be using to practice. They finally settled down.

"Alright! First thing, has anyone found a new member to audition?" He looked at them expectantly. Kurt just shook his head, knowing Mercedes would probably explain their sign idea and how it failed miserably. He was right.

"We tried, Mr. Shue, but it just didn't work out." She said apologetically. "There just doesn't seem to be anyone else at this school. I think we might have to settle for a cheerio, we just need a body..."

"Ah, about that. Sue isn't going to allow it. She refuses to have any more of her Cheerios 'stolen' by us. We really do need someone else, or we're out of luck." A collective groan resounded through the room. They were all sure there was going to be no Regionals for them this year, now. Kurt wondered if maybe there was a way to get an exception made to the rule, but it was probably a stupid idea. He should have expected Sue to pull something like this, didn't she always?

"I can't believe this! You aren't all going to just give up?!" Rachel exclaimed, waving her hands around. "This is our last chance! We've always found a way to make it before, this time won't be the exception. We are going to do whatever it takes to get to that competition."

"What's the point? We're screwed." 

Mr Schuester sighed. "No, Rachel. No one is giving up on anything. There's something i actually wanted to talk to you all about that might solve our problem." A few people seemed to cheer up a bit, waiting expectantly for some miracle-solution like Mr Schue always seemed to come up with. He seemed pleased to have everyone paying attention. 

"A couple weeks ago Mckinley got a new transfer, iI assume you're aware as you've all encountered him before," Oh god no. He wasn't. He _was not_ even thinking about this. 

Looking around the room, almost everyone seemed to have caught on and they looked just as disenchanted. "No, don't be like that. I know what he did, but can't you look past it? Some of the people in this room used to be bullies. Look at us now, all getting along..."

He was cut off. "That's different. They didn't get anyone sent to the hospital." This was the first time Quinn had spoken up about anything involving Sebastian. 

"Yeah, and we cleaned up our act!" Puck defended.

"And has he bothered you since he came here?" No, he brought up a good point. He actually hasn't. "You need to give everyone a chance. I'm sure he didn't mean to send Blaine to the hospital."

"I'm sure he _did..."_ Someone said under their breath.

"He hasn't even apologized!"

Kurt bristled at that. "Excuse me? When did _you_ ever apologize?"

"Are you taking his side on this?" 

"All I'm saying is that maybe we should try it."

 _"Kurt!"_ Blaine exclaimed, appalled. That made him feel a little bad because he hated to make Blaine's injury seem unimportant, but really, he hadn't ever gotten an apology from Puck, so that was a really weak defense on his part! He was just trying to keep everyone from attacking eachother.

 

"GUYS!" Mr. Schue had to shout to be heard over the many arguments going on. Everyone stopped and stared. He didn't usually shout. "I'm just asking you to try it. If he pulls another stunt like the slushie, he'll be expelled and he knows it. He hasn't done anything to you since he transferred and we really do need another person. He was in the Warblers, he must be able to dance and sing. This would be our best chance! Does anyone have a better idea?"

"I agree," Rachel said calmly, sitting up straight. "I think we should try it. Let's all be reasonable here." She was trying way too hard to sound like an adult and everyone knew the only reason she wanted this was because she wanted to go to that competition and didn't care how it happened. 

"Reasonable?! I am being reasonable! As far as i'm concerned he doesn't even deserve to be walking right now." Puck stormed out of the room.

Santana was next. "You all know damn well if we weren't trying to make this a good last year that he'd be in a hospital bed right now." And she was gone. Quinn got up to follow after them, but she gave them a sympathetic look as she did so. She wasn't angry, she was just going to calm one of them down- which one, it was hard to say.

Blaine huffed. "You know, it was _me_ who was injured, but even i'm not being so dramatic."

"Mr. Schue, I have a bad feeling about this..." Mercedes said.

Mr. Schuester sighed, looking like he wanted to go bang his head against the wall. "Is anyone else going out, or will the rest of you tolerate this decision?" Resigned mumbles were heard throughout the room, but everyone seemed to stay put.

Brittany tilted her head. "Now we're going to have two Warblers. They're all transferring! We should change our name to something bird related too, so they feel at home!" Artie, who was next to her, shushed her. 

Kurt supposed it could have been worse...

***

"Hey! Sebastian?" He heard the quick pace of the person behind him before he heard the words. Sebastian sighed, turning. He just wanted to get through this day without incident, which included not being stopped by- _shit, Will Shuester,_ the voice had seemed sort of familiar but he hadn't expected this. Was he here to get him kicked out of the school because of the slushie thing? Had he done something else wrong? Did Hummel tell him he'd been looking at the sign and now the Glee teacher was here to tell him off? He pushed the worries down and tried his best to be normal.

"That's me."

"So you probably know the New Directions need another member to compete at Regionals," Sebastian nodded at him; "Alright, well I was thinking that you might want to? You used to be in the Glee club at your old school, and it would mean a lot to us if you'd help out."

Surely he knew about everything Sebastian had done? Why would he ask him to join? "Your Glee club would never allow me to join. They hate me." He turned around to keep walking.

A hand on his shoulder stopped. He flinched subconsciously. With what had happened the night he got kicked out and him expecting to be beat up by one of the Glee kids any time, he was constantly on defense and any contact seemed threatening. He hoped it hadn't been noticed.

"I talked to them already. I know they aren't fond of you, but they are willing to get past that if it helps them go to the competition." That was really strange. They must have some ulterior motive, there's no way it was that easy.

"You don't want someone like me in your club." He was a bad person. He didn't deserve to have what he wanted or to be tolerated for any reason. The Glee club was too good for the likes of him.

"Sebastian, we have all kinds of people in the Glee club, and they've all done things they're not proud of, osme of them even bullied other members before they joined! We don't discriminate."

He tried something else. "I don't have time. I have to keep my grades up." It was true. And he also had to get a job, when would he have time for Glee?

"I know for a fact your grades are excellent and that you're already more advanced then most of the classes. There's no reason you shouldn't join."

He knew there was no getting out of this. The teacher would just keep chasing him around until he agreed. It couldn't be that bad. He would be watching the whole time and no one would do anything awful or they'd get in trouble. He would be fine. And he wanted to sing so badly. He had a chance he didn't have earlier, he could join now and know he wouldn't be kicked out, at least not until after Regionals.

"Fine. But if your Glee club won't work with me it's on you."

Mr. Shuester brightened. "Great! Now, I know they've all heard you sing already and i'm sure you're talented, but I'd still like to hear for myself. Do you have something you could do at 3:30 today in the auditorium?"

Talent. Hah. If he had talent his dad would have kept him no matter what he did because he'd use his talent for his own purposes. 

"Sure."

***

"No, you guys aren't coming. I don't want the drama starting before he's even had a chance to audition, you'll end up scaring him off."

"Why are you even having him audition anyway? We know he can sing."

"You do, i don't. While normally I'd trust your judgment, in this case I'd like to hear him for myself. Now go home, everyone. I'll see you tomorrow!"

Everyone walked off dejectedly. Or, almost everyone.

***

He'd had to stay a little late because of the audition. Mr Schuester had picked a time after Glee club and since Sebastian wasn't in any after school activities he had no choice but to wait. At least he got most of his homework done, having found an empty classroom easily. He warmed up just before he went to the auditorium. He was right on time.

"Alright, give it your best." He'd already told the pianist what he wanted played. It was a song the Warblers had been considering using for Regionals before- before he'd left. Obviously they weren't going to use it now that the person supposed to sing it was gone. He'd still practiced it over and over and it hadn't left his memory despite the weeks it'd been since he'd sang.

Sebastian launched into the opening notes of 'Glad You Came.'

Before he knew it, he'd ended. He felt like he had done alright. If he couldn't pull that off then he really couldn't do anything because he'd put all he had into it. And even if it was horrible it still melted away some of his stress and he felt a little lighter. He'd gotten used to not putting effort into anything for the past few weeks and it felt good to actually be motivated about something. Too bad only one person would ever see it. Unknown to them there was another person on the balcony, hiding in the shadows.

"That was amazing!" Somehow Mr. Schuester had come to the stage(he didn't think he'd finished that long ago, this man must be fast.) "There's just one question now- how fast can you memorize a dance and song routine?"

"Just tell me what to do."

***

Kurt knew he shouldn't disobey Mr Shue, but he really wanted to see this for some reason. Maybe he'd just become intrigued since he'd run into Sebastian in the hallway, but he found himself constantly looking for him through the school day and when he did, he observed him. There was something that seemed different, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

The song choice seemed to fit Sebastian pretty well, and Mr Shue was right- it had been a good performance. The voice would be a valuable addition to the Glee club if only the person behind it wasn't such a jerk. He seemed a little lost after he finished singing, but he doubted the Glee teacher noticed in his excited rush to the stage. Kurt couldn't hear the short conversation that took place, but he assumed it wasn't important.

He went home, thinking about the events of the afternoon. This should prove to be interesting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter so far!
> 
> Things have started to get moving, but it's just going to get worse for Sebastian from here... There will obviously be a lot more interactions between the characters now. Just because he joins the Glee club it doesn't mean they're going to be _nice._
> 
> Expect the next chapter within the next couple weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he should just get it over with now and _die_ since that's obviously what the world wanted him to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers the beginning of 'On My Way.' The next chapter will be shorter and will detail Regionals and just after it.

Sebastian's parents had never been terribly fond of him, even as a child. Sure, they'd never outright hurt him, but they were always expressing disappointment in anything he did, no matter how hard he tried to please them.

When he was fourteen he came out to them, and needless to say things got much worse from there. His father had beat him until his mother stopped him for fear Sebastian would have to be brought to the hospital. It wasn't out of love, she just didn't want to explain the injuries. A few months after that night his mother left, and no one was really sure where, though it was suspected to France. That left him alone with his disapproving father, who was constantly trying to 'cure' Sebastian of his sexuality. About a year later he lied to him about no longer being gay and until a few weeks ago it had worked perfectly. His father had ever suspected and even though their relationship hadn't ever been fixed, he wasn't being hit or yelled at and that was fine with him. 

But then he went and messed up. And now here he was with $50 left, no job, and a 'roommate' who refused to help him in any way, even _food._ His month of rent was up in a few days and his food, no matter how he rationed it, was also going to be used up. None of the places he'd gone to job interviews for had contacted him back. He didn't know why, he was so sure he'd aced the interviews. He wasn't asking for much, just any kind of job, some way to bring in money so he could keep surviving. 

 

Maybe he should just get it over with now and _die_ since that's obviously what the world wanted him to do.

 

Sebastian caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. _Oh._ Maybe that's the reason he wasn't getting hired. He hadn't realized how much he'd deteriorated over the past month. His eyes lacked their vibrancy and had dark circles under them (he hadn't been sleeping well) and he no longer stood perfectly straight. He just looked overall... Weary. It made sense, he was exhausted, stressed. Still, he had to fix this. He had to go to Glee today and he couldn't let anyone there know something was wrong. They would never let him live it down, probably think it was funny. Then again, maybe someone would just put him out of his misery... _NO._ No, don't think like that. 

_You have to pull yourself together. You can't go on like this. You have to prove your father wrong, falling apart is_ exactly _what he wants you to do. You don't have to be happy, but you have to make the world believe you are. You can't do that if you're dead. Act normal. Hope no one notices anything is off. Even if they do you don't have to tell them anything because they can't control you._

_You're fine. You don't need him. You'll just have to get used to being alone. ___

__

__Sebastian tried to put on a smile as he walked to school, but he didn't think it was convincing anyone, least of all himself._ _

__***_ _

__Most of the day was perfectly normal. He went on his routine of going to classes without having any upleasant encounters. He knew he'd have to deal with them later, but he wanted to enjoy his last few hours of avoidance._ _

__But then it was over, and Sebastian found himself outside the Choir room, hesitating. Not everyone was in there yet, he wasn't late. He considered backing out for the hundredth time that day. He'd already had this argument with himself far too many times and he knew he was going to go in there, but he felt like he just didn't deserve to. There were so many thing that could go wrong. He was sure most of them would happen and it should have made him run the other way, but here he was._ _

__He knew if he kept standing there people would come up behind him wanting to get in and he didn't want to annoy anyone even more than he was already just by being in the class. So he pushed open the door, intending to make a beeline to whatever chair was the furthest away from everyone and shut up for the whole class. That didn't work out._ _

__Mr. Shuester grabbed him by the shoulders and brought him to the middle of the room. Sebastian tensed up. He hadn't wanted to be put in the spotlight. He schooled his expression to something non threatening but not giving anything away(he hoped.) The faces in the room ranged from glares, unamused, nervous, even bored. Thankfully no one seemed to be outright hostile so far._ _

__"You already know Sebastian, so I won't bother with introductions. He's going to help us get to Nationals and I expect you to be civil. He's not going to cause any trouble." He released Sebastian, who went to sit down He managed to find a place in the back corner where it would be easy for everyone to ignore him. He fought the urge to dig his nails into his palms. He couldn't remember when he felt this... Nervous? He didn't expect this to be fun._ _

__They were brought to the auditorium to practice the music numbers. Sebastian thought he had them pretty much down, but because this was his first time doing it with the whole group he stumbled a few times. He could tell it was irritating everyone. They all knew the routine really well and he was slowing them down. He put more effort into it and managed to keep up._ _

__He thought he was doing really well._ _

__That was, until someone tripped him._ _

__Sebastian knew he hadn't randomly tripped because he'd felt someone put their foot in front of his as he tried to take a step, and there was no way it could've been an accident. He heard the music and singing stop. His leg hurt. It must've gotten twisted at an awkward angle when he fell, but he didn't think it was broken. It was sprained at most. Still, he knew it would hurt to dance on it. He'd worked with worse before. It would be fine. Whoever had done it was lucky something worse didn't happen, tripping someone like that could have ruined their chances to go to Regionals. He knew they were going to do stuff like this to him, but he didn't think they'd risk the competition._ _

__"Are you okay?" Mr. Schuester was by the stage, looking on in concern. Some of the group around him also looked worried, but he was sure it was only because they were frightened of not going to Regionals, not because they gave a damn whether he got hurt. Sebastian forced a smile as he got up and dusted himself off._ _

__"I'm fine."_ _

__He didn't look convinced. "Are you sure? We can take a break if you need to."_ _

__Oh god no, he couldn't imagine how much everyone would hate him if he made them stop now. _"No!"_ The teacher looked surprised at the forcefulness of the word. Sebastian steadied his voice. "I mean, we don't need to do that. I'm fine."_ _

__Mr. Schuester nodded. The music started up again and he kept himself from cringing as sharp pain shot up his leg. He had to do this._ _

__***_ _

__Sebastian rushed to be the first out the door. He wasn't going to hang around after Glee ended because he had no reason to. They didn't want to be around him and he didn't want to be around them, so leaving quickly was a win-win. He hoped no one noticed the slight limp he had; it wasn't noticeable but if anyone paid too much attention then they'd see and he just didn't want to deal with them laughing about it._ _

__

__He didn't notice someone else come out after him. Or rather, he noticed the sound of the door but didn't think the person would follow him. But that's exactly what happened, and his clean escape was halted when they came up beside him. _And of course it had to be him._ _ _

__"You're hurt." Kurt stated, matching Sebastian's quickening pace. There was a note of concern in his voice._ _

__"I know."_ _

__"But- you said you were fine! Why did you keep dancing?"_ _

__Sebastian stopped suddenly, turning to face him. "Why do you care?" He asked distrustfully. Of all people, Kurt should hate him. He should be enjoying any pain Sebastian was feeling. What was his angle?_ _

__"I just don't want you to hurt yourself more because you're being stubborn."_ _

__"You aren't really telling me anyone would have cared. We needed to practice, I wasn't going to stop because of some minor injury." He looked away._ _

___"We would have._ Unlike some people we don't like to see others in pain!" Kurt said. Sebastian's eyes snapped up at the last part. _ _

__"I **don't** like seeing people in pain. The fact that you think I do only proves my point. Everyone in that room hates me. They wouldn't care if I was in _agony,_ and the only reason they're tolerating me is because of the competition. Which I will be fine for, so quit worrying and leave me alone." Anger coloured his words. He hadn't been trying to hurt anyone. If the prank had gone right the worst that would have happened was that the rock salt would stain Kurt's clothes. Blaine wasn't supposed to run in front of it. But it was Sebastian's fault for doing anything in the first place, so he'd let everyone keep thinking whatever they wanted. After all, if they knew he hadn't meant to do that then no one would treat him like the waste of space he was._ _

__He went out the door before Kurt could reply._ _

__***_ _

__Kurt was talking with Mercedes after Glee when he noticed Sebastian leaving out of the corner of his eye. He almost dismissed it until he noticed the limp. He couldn't imagine why the boy would have kept practicing if he'd been hurt when he fell, but he decided to go after him and find out. He told his friends goodbye and pursued the other._ _

__Sebastian had already had a head start, so Kurt had to run to catch up, especially when he started walking faster._ _

__"You're hurt." He sort of meant for it to come as a question, but it just sounded like a statement._ _

__"I know." Kurt had expected to be snapped at, not that. He struggled to think of how he should reply._ _

__"But you said you were fine! Why did you keep dancing?"_ _

__He had to take a step back when Sebastian suddenly stopped, whirling around to face him. "Why do you care?" Kurt could tell the other was getting defensive. That seemed more in character for him, but wasn't good for this conversation._ _

__"I just don't want you to hurt yourself more because you're being stubborn." He said carefully._ _

__"You aren't really telling me anyone would have cared. We needed to practice, I wasn't going to stop because of some minor injury." Sebastian couldn't seem to hold eye contact, and that made Kurt suspicious. So did him saying he didn't care that he was hurt._ _

___"We would have._ Unlike some people we don't like to see others in pain!" His eyes widened slightly. He hadn't meant to let the last part slip out, but he couldn't take it back now. _ _

__"I **don't** like seeing people in pain. The fact that you think I do only proves my point. Everyone in that room hates me. They wouldn't care if I was in _agony,_ and the only reason they're tolerating me is because of the competition. Which I will be fine for, so quit worrying and leave me alone." His voice said he was angry, but Kurt could see the hurt look in his eyes. Before he could formulate a proper response(probably about how they WOULD care) Sebastian was gone, leaving him alone in the hallway._ _

__Every interaction he had with Sebastian seemed off and he couldn't pin down why._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than expected, sorry! It is, however, substantially longer than usual. 
> 
> I'd like to point out a few tags have been added as I've added another problem on the pile of Sebastian whump. 
> 
> Because this diverges from canon so much, obviously the photoshopping incident just doesn't happen, and Sebastian being rude to Karofsky at the bar doesn't either. Karofsky's suicide happens some time after regionals, that's why it isn't mentioned. This chapter is meant to cover the beginning of 'On My Way' but it doesn't really seem like it because everything is so different.
> 
> I also created a new blog separate from my main specifically for writing and i'll be making posts there when I update this story, so if you're interested in it, find it here: http://cliches-and-coffee.tumblr.com/
> 
> As usual the next chapter should be out within a couple weeks, possibly sooner as it's going to be short.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'd always known that after he helped them win this, they would expect him to be gone because they'd have their other member back. He tried not to think about it and enjoy the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covering the end of 'On My Way.'

Sebastian fiddled with his bow tie, making sure it was straight. All of them had to look perfect if they were to win this. That, and he was nervous about running into the Warblers. He'd left Dalton without any notice and he hadn't spoken to any of them about why, despite the fact that he'd gotten a few texts and calls. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to them, now. He couldn't say the real reason he left and he couldn't figure out any other good reason. Thus he was trying to avoid them entirely. It wasn't hard, there wasn't a lot of chance for talking because everyone was getting ready to perform. 

Mr. Schuester came in and started on about how they needed to focus on what they did best, and then something about a 'show circle.' Sebastian had obviously heard of those, but the Warblers had never done anything like that and he wasn't sure how it was done, so he just followed everyone else. The circle was very small and everyone's arms were touching. It was a little awkward for him, but he could deal with it.

Finn started speaking after a prompt from the teacher. "Yeah... I know it's kind of short notice, but after the competition, Rachel and I are gonna get married." Everyone stared, shocked. Sebastian didn't even know they were getting married, what was this madness? They were in high school, for god's sake. 

"There'll be some light refreshments afterwards; my dads and I were rolling finger sandwiches all night long." 

"But- why?" Someone said.

"We don't wanna wait anymore, we just want to live every day like it's our last."

"So after we win, we really want all of you at our wedding." Rachel finished.

He was sure that invitation didn't include him, so he just looked down. There was no reason for them to want him there. People around him were clapping (most of them.) Then they all reached into the center of the circle, so he did so as well, and let out a cheer of 'Amazing!' Sebastian hadn't known what he was supposed to say, so he just smiled so it seemed like he was involved in this. As strange as it was to be having anything to do with these people, he was glad to be there and that he was about to perform. He knew he wasn't actually wanted, but he still _felt_ welcome right now.

***

The whole performance went smoothly. He didn't expect anyone to mess with him at such and important time, but there were so many other things that could go wrong, and none of them did. It had felt wonderful to be in front of all those people and sing, and they'd sounded great. If the applause was anything to go by, the audience thought so too.

Winning the competition was a bit of a blur, with all the excitement and screaming around him. They were going to Nationals. Well, _they_ were, and maybe he could watch. He'd always known that after he helped them win this, they would expect him to be gone because they'd have their other member back. He tried not to think about it and enjoy the moment.

At least he'd managed to avoid talking to _them._

 

The ride back was also very loud. Everyone was chattering about how great this was and what they wanted to do for Nationals and congratulations were given. Sebastian sat at the front of the bus by himself (Mr. Schuester was in the row behind him and that's the closest anyone was, most of them were sitting clustered together in the middle-to-back of the bus.), he'd considered the back but then it would be too easy to look around at how happy everyone was and wish he could be part of the group.

Mr. Schue tapped him on the back. He turned to look, had he done something wrong? "Good job!"

"I didn't do much. But thanks." He smiled.

"We wouldn't have gone in the first place if you hadn't helped." Schuester smiled back at him, then went to the back to congratulate the others.

This had been the best day he'd had in a month and though he knew tomorrow everything would go back to normal, he didn't care at the moment.

***

The next day brought on new challenges. He knew it. He knew that this sort of thing was going to start sometime, and just after Regionals seemed perfect. He'd gotten slammed into lockers twice already (both by members of the New Directions) and the day wasn't over yet. Dark bruises were forming where he'd impacted and if he moved the wrong way they made him wince, but he could handle it. This was hardly the worst that they could do, certainly not the worst he'd taken before. He deserved it anyway.

He got through that day without any more incident.

The next, he got knocked to the ground before he even entered the school building. His hand got scraped, but it was hardly anything to be upset about. He rinsed it to avoid infections and went on with his day. Before lunch his books and paper got knocked out of his arms and no one bothered to stop and help pick them up or even avoid walking on them.

Later, as he was packing up to leave Mckinley, he was stopped by Mr. Schuester. "Hey! You haven't come to Glee for the past couple days. Is something wrong?"

Sebastian stared at him, stunned. "Well, Regionals is over.."

The teacher didn't seem to comprehend. "And?"

"...And I helped you win. Isn't that what you wanted? Sam is back now, isn't he?" He was so confused right now.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't come!" He exclaimed. "Wait, did you think as soon as Regionals was over you were no longer welcome?"

"Yes. No one there likes me, helping win a competition isn't going to change that. They tolerated me for that reason and now that they don't need my help anymore, me being in there is just going to cause problems you don't need." Not to mention the people in that room were now harassing him... But he wouldn't tell Schuester that. 

"Sebastian, until you all spend time together there's no chance any of you will ever do anything but hate eachother. Now come on, We're late for Glee!" Mr. Schuester grabbed his hand in a tight grip and brought him along to the choir room. Sebastian tried to pull his hand back, but it was impossible when the man was determined to have them 'be friends.' There was no way. They hated him and he just wanted to ignore them. But he had to put on an act now or it would get worse.

So he plastered a smile on his face and hoped it looked convincing enough that they thought he hadn't been phased by being knocked around. He ignored the glares he could feel focused on him as he found a seat and kept to himself until it was over.

He was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time around, not much to say here. 
> 
> Next chapter should be out by the 23rd, possibly sooner!  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I-" The Glee club looked at him expectantly. Then it came to him- reason he was continuing.
> 
> "I have someone I need to prove wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covering the Karofsky suicide incident and getting deeper into the 'hurt' part of the story.
> 
> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, vague mention of abuse at the end.

Everyone was seated in the auditorium in a circle at the request of Mr. Schuester. Said teacher was going on about something to do with peanut butter and Rory, but Sebastian wasn't listening. The announcement of the suicide incident had sent his mind whirling again. He hadn't been able to concentrate all day.

He didn't know the kid, but most everyone else did. Apparently, he'd gone to this school a year ago, give or take, and had been relatively popular. But he didn't really care who it was. 

He only cared about what the mere mention of suicide did to his mind. He'd rationalized, he'd pushed the thoughts away and given reasons to keep going, yet it took only this to destroy that fragile wall. The rational part of him was saying that he was even back to the dark thoughts was ridiculous, but the emotional part was telling him it wasn't worth continuing when no one cared. While deep down he knew there was no way he could ever go through with it _(weak)_ , that didn't make the thought of drifting off any less appealing.

He blinked harshly, snapping himself back to reality, trying to catch up.

"...point is Rory just had a brand-new experience, something as simple as peanut butter. You guys are young. I want you to promise me that, no matter how depressed you get, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel, you'll try your best to imagine all of the amazing experiences you have ahead of you." He mentally scoffed. He _was_ alone. And as for amazing experiences, well, he couldn't imagine that.

"Mr. Shue, look, I know we're a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think anyone will ever consider taking their own life." 

No, no one else here would. Looking around at everyone else, he had a hard time thinking any one of them would. They, if nothing else, had a whole support group here, which was obviously doing them wonders, if one were to go by how happy they were. You could see it in their eyes.

Mister Schuester had launched into a story about how he had once considered killing himself, and everyone was giving him varied shocked, horrified looks.

 

"That day, I promise you, it felt like it was the end of the world. But you know what? It wasn't. You know, for some of you, getting caught cheating isn't a big deal. But there's something everyone has something that might take them up to that edge. And look at all the things I would've missed out on. I would've never met you guys or Emma. I would've missed out on everything." He paused to let it all sink in, then:

"So, right now, I want you all to think of something that you're looking forward to... Big things."

So they went around the circle, everyone listing off a thing that they lived for. Some were ridiculous, others sensible, a couple even selfless. Sebastian didn't understand the meaning behind some, but when you were as new to the group and isolated as he was, it made sense. 

Then it was his turn. 

He stared blankly for a minute, mind uncomprehending. _Shit._ Here he was trying to act a normal as possible, and he hadn't come up with a reason. Normal Sebastian would have had a million. Now he was desperately trying to think of one. He had to come up with something to convince them, if not himself. 

"I-" The Glee club looked at him expectantly, and when Sebastian's eyes flickered to Kurt (he didn't know why, he really didn't, because why would that give him a if anything that should make him more miserable because if anyone loathed him it was Kurt) there was a hint of worry in his eyes. No, no, he must have been seeing things. Then it came to him- reason he was continuing.

"I have someone I need to prove wrong." He looked at the floor, not wanting to see the eye rolls and shakes of the head this got him. If he had looked up he would've seen a few questioning glances exchanged between the rest of the kids and Mr. Schue concerned. Still, they went on with Glee club without bothering to question him further, at least for now. Most of them just shrugged it off as Sebastian being weird.

 

***

It surprised him when they first slushied him, though it probably shouldn't have. After the fact it surprised him even more that they hadn't laced it with rock salt. He tried to wash it out as best he could in the bathroom, but it was hard when he had to do it all himself, and the stains certainly weren't going to come out of his white shirt. He hoped that it would come out when he put it in the washing machine later. He couldn't afford more clothing, he barely had a week's worth as it was.

After he'd managed to get his hair under control and all the red gone from his skin he realized the ordeal had made him late for class. He was going to be in trouble now. But it was fine. He'd deserved that.

That's what he kept telling himself. As he was shoved into the sharp edges of metal lockers, knocked over repeatedly, and any other creative punishments the New Directions came up with, he told himself it was his fault. 

It's not like it had caused any serious injuries. Sure he had a few dark bruises and wounded feelings, and maybe a cut or two, but that was all. People got a lot worse than this all the time. It would be stupid to think that his problems mattered. There was only about a two months and a half left of the school year, anyway. Sebastian could handle being pushed around a little. 

It's not like he hadn't had worse before.

 

***

What ultimately made him go visit Karofsky was finding out how he used to be the main bully of the school, and even more so to Kurt. Sebastian figured if anyone could understand what he was going through right now it would be him. Of course, he might not even be able to talk to him in the first place. They didn't know eachother and the doctors might not let him in. He wanted to try anyway.

"I'm here to see Dave Karofsky." He told the receptionist at the desk. 

"Who are you?" 

"A friend, from his old school?" The first part wasn't true, but the second part was. 

The woman game him a sypathetic little smile. Oh. Other people from Mckinley must have come too. Now that he thought about it, that made sense. She gave him a room number. He threw her a grateful look and walked off in search of it. The room was not hard to find. Sebastian knocked on the door.

"Come in."

He entered the room, closing the door without turning back. They studied eachother. Karofsky didn't seem to be surprised someone he didn't know had showed up. He went over to sit in a chair by the bed.

"Um, hi. You don't know me, but I go to Mckinley, and I, I was wondering if I could talk to you?"

"Go ahead, it's not like I have anything better to do."

He'd meant to come in here and talk about what he'd done to antagonize the glee club in the past, and what was going on now, and maybe ask for advice. Maybe make a friend and have at least one person who cared what happened to him. But he couldn't find the words to say any of that, and he was afraid to say any of it out loud. He didn't know why he'd thought he could do this in the first place. But one question kept coming up in his mind.

"What's it like?" He asked quietly.

Unsurprisingly he didn't need to elaborate. "It might not be the best idea to ask me; I failed, after all." The joke failed to have any humour in the situation. They both knew it was an attempt to avoid the question. 

"Please."

A sigh. "You feel like there's nothing left to live for and finally decide to do it, but just before it's over you realize it was a bad decision, there's so much you haven't done, but it's too late. And if you fail, you're glad and disappointed at the same time. You wanted to die and you still do but you have another chance. There's people that care that you didn't even think 

of." Karofsky looked Sebastian in the eye. "I can't tell you what to do with your life, but it's not worth it. Find another way to deal with it, but don't kill yourself. Someone cares."

Sebastian gave a short, self-deprecating laugh. "No, they don't. I've made sure of that."

"I'll be your friend if you want. It's not like I have any more, not since they found out."

"I know the feeling." Not quite- he hadn't lost friends, he'd lost the love of his parents, but... "Yeah, i'd like that." 

They exchanged contact information and bid eachother goodbye. Sebastian was just out of the room when he almost crashed into Kurt. He didn't expect to run into him here. The other boy was giving him a confused look.

"Sebastian? What are you doing here?" The confusion faded to suspicion. "I swear, if you've done anything to bother hi-" He was cut off by Sebastian pushing him out of the way- not very hard, but enough to make him move. 

"I haven't done _Anything._ We were just talking. Have you ever considered maybe I do actually care about people?" Kurt opened his mouth, but Sebastian kept talking. "Because I do. In fact, i've just made friends with Dave, so you can quit worrying that I went in there to bully him." He didn't let Kurt answer him, though the other was too stunned from the rant to 

reply quickly anyway. He walked off angrily.

Every time he talked to Kurt it seemed like he thought all Sebastian could do was be horrible to people. And yes, he had himself to blame for that. But he'd been at Mckinley for almost two months now, and he'd done nothing remotely threatening or mean, So he hoped their opinion of him may have changed slightly. But between the encounter at the hospital and the fact that the rest of the New Directions were literally bullying him, he knew there was no way he could ever make up, make them forgive him. 

_Maybe,_ the voice in the back of his head supplied, _it's because you don't deserve it._

***

 

Sebastian was later checking his savings and panicking. He had no money left and no food left, either. In the back of his mind he knew it was extremely lucky it had lasted this long. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. He was going to starve, get kicked out, and probably die, not necessarily in that order. The thought occurred that his father had probably made it so no one would hire him, and that's why he had no job. There was no one who would take him in, no one who would help him. He was completely on his own. He dropped into a chair before his legs could give out under him.

Sure, not more then a few hours ago he was considering what would happen if he died _(killed himself, he corrected)_ , but this isn't how he meant it to go. Slowly starving to death, homeless, and very alone. No one would even remember him. He wondered fleetingly if Mr. Schuester would take him in if he asked, just for a little while, but he pushed the thought aside. Outside of Glee he was sure the teacher really didn't care. 

He packed the rest of his few belongings. He'd have to start sleeping in his car. Soon he wouldn't even have that, when it ran out of gas. He was ready to slip out quietly when his 'room-mate' came in, leaning against the doorframe. Sebastian didn't fail to notice the smile he had on his face.

"You still need to stay here, don't you? Well, I have a propopsal for you..."

Hope flared up in his chest. "What?" 

"We keep the arrangment we have going... But we do some kinkier things in bed. I mean, what we were doing is great, but it's not quite _enough._ " He'd somehow walked all the way over to Sebastian while he spoke, slipping the strap of his bag from his hand and lowering it to the ground, then leaning in to whisper at Sebastian's ear. "We both get what we want. You get to stay without paying, I get... Well."

"So, to clarify... I let you do whatever you want without arguing, and I don't have to start sleeping in my car?" Later he was going to regret that he didn't think it through. He didn't think it would be that bad. Wasn't anything worth not being kicked out? His mind failed to comprehend all the bad things this agreement could lead to in his excitement over the idea.

"Yes... So?" He was looking him in the eye, now.

"We have a deal." If that came out more breathless than intended, well, who could blame him?

 

That's how Sebastian's situation got endlessly worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmhmm, we've finally gotten to the best part. Who's ready for whump? *Throws angsty glitter*
> 
> I'm so sorry this is late! Personal issues came up and I haven't had the motivation for writing, plus the first scene of this chapter got me stuck. I actually wrote the last part first, the rest of this was really difficult. Not because it's something I have issues with writing, I just couldn't figure out how to get it written to flow nicely. Still not completely satisfied, but it's overdue and I don't think I can do better.
> 
>  
> 
> Next one out before the end of the month.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because you don't deserve it."
> 
> "Except that I do."
> 
> "No, you don't. No one does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (See those tags up there? Abuse in every way? Dubious consent? Unhealthy relationships?Yeah, all that comes in here.)

Sebastian shifted his bag as he walked into school, trying to keep it from bumping against his back. He'd figured out early that morning that there was no way he could tolerate anything hitting it, not after how his body had been abused last night.

Surprisingly, no one harassed him before class. What was keeping the New Directions so distracted this morning? He had no idea, but he was grateful for the reprieve, however short.

***

He hadn't known what to expect when he made the deal, but it didn't seem bad so far. Perhaps he'd just wanted to try bondage? He could have just asked. Sebastian couldn't see what was going on in the room behind him, he'd been cuffed on his stomach. Didn't know what to expect.

That's why the first, stinging smack on his back was more shocking than painful. It happened again barely a few seconds later, and this time it _did_ hurt. After a couple more strikes(after he'd started bleeding), Sebastian figured out it was a whip. Oh god.

His back was just a mass of burning pain by the time it was over. It wasn't much better in the morning, but he took some pills and knew he had to get through the day. He wasn't even sure how to properly treat these, so he just wrapped them up and hoped it was enough.

Somewhere in his mind this was just another part of his punishment for being such a fuck up. He deserved everything getting thrown his way, no matter who was doing it or how horrible it was. And it _was_ sex that had gotten him into this mess in the first place, so wasn't this rather fitting?

***

It didn't last.

He was on his way to lunch after a very peaceful morning, when he was once again shoved into a locker- and this time, the sharp edges did more damage than just bruising. One of the still fragile wounds ripped open as he impacted, and he had to bite back a cry of pain. He couldn't go to lunch now, not with it bleeding all over the place. The halls were nearly empty at this point, so it was easy to inconspicuously make his way to his locker to grab the extra shirt he kept there(since the slushies started), and rush off to the bathroom. Thank god, it was empty as well. He cleaned it off the best he could and waited for the bleeding to stop before putting the new shirt on, quickly stashing the destroyed one in his locker before anyone could question. 

Not that he believed they would.

It was then he remembered that he still had no way of getting food, and that this was going to be his only meal, one which he'd missed.

He could deal with it, though. Sebastian got through the rest of the day just fine, including Glee club. He ignored the fact that the dancing seemed more tiring than usual, and that his back was on fire when they were through. It wasn't really that bad. As long as no one else saw, he was fine. It was nothing compared to his mental anguish.

***

Kurt was becoming more and more suspicious of Sebastian's behaviour. He just wasn't acting like himself, not at all. Kurt had tried discussing it with the others, but they either didn't know him well enough to notice or just didn't care. Blaine had agreed, but didn't want to go into it. So it was up to Kurt to figure out what was wrong here. He didn't know _why_ it bothered him so much, he shouldn't even care. But he could tell something was horribly wrong and as much as he disliked Sebastian he didn't think he deserved whatever it was. And to make him act so differently, it had to be big. Kurt still didn't even know why he would have transferred here, he loathed public schools. 

He wasn't an idiot, he knew how the rest of the New Directions were treating him. He knew that it would happen if Sebastian was still around after Regionals, he accepted it, because one- Sebastian kind of had it coming, and two- he thought he'd fight back. He didn't, and that just sent more alarms off. He was withdrawn and guarded, and he never tried to flirt or banter with anyone. Especially Blaine, who he completely avoided.

He noticed that Sebastian wore the same outfits in the same week sometimes. Even with the fact that some of his shirts probably got ruined by slushies, he should have had enough to make up for it. His family was supposed to be rich, after all. Were they withholding money from him or something as punishment? Did Sebastian just not care? Maybe he was overthinking it. Then there was yesterday, when he'd hesitated to say what he was living for, and running into him at the hospital.

And today Sebastian had seemed stiff in Glee. Usually he was really good with the choreography, but today he hadn't seemed as fluid. He was probably just tired, but Kurt suspected otherwise. When he used to get shoved around and pushed into lockers he remembered how badly it could bruise, how it could mess with movements. He hadn't thought it had gotten that bad, though. Kurt thought they had only messed with him a few times, maybe shoved him out of their way rougher than strictly needed. Was he wrong? He would keep a closer eye on Sebastian, and keep trying to figure it out. It was the most he could do.

***  
That was why when he found Sebastian trying to pick up his scattered homework the next day, he stopped to help. The other stopped in shock as they were handed to him, standing to take them with a grateful expression until he saw who it was. His face turned to something unidentifiable as he put them into his bag. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you don't deserve it."

His eyes were wary, somehow distant. "Except that I do." Kurt tilted his head a bit in confusion. He never thought he'd see the day that Sebastian said something like that.

"No, you don't. No one does."

"I'm an asshole and I hurt you and your precious Glee club, don't pretend to be sympathetic."

Kurt got irritated. "We don't all want revenge, Sebastian. Not everyone is out to get you. When will you get it through your head that I just want to help?"

"News flash: you're the _only_ one who isn't getting revenge," He said, and it was the type of outburst that should have been boiling with anger, but it wasn't. Sebastian was just stating a fact, cold and emotionless. Then he turned away. "Thanks for stopping, but I don't need your help." He started to walk away.

"I don't know why I even bothered, you're obviously just as much of a jerk as ever." Kurt shouted after him, upset and hurt and just generally angry that Sebastian was so stubborn. "Fine, be alone."

He didn't turn back.

***

 

Sebastian burst into the apartment, tossing his backpack down at the entrance. He went through the house until he got to the bedroom, and was surprised to find that his roommate had gotten home before him. He strode over and crushed his lips into the other's, putting all his anger and miserable energy into it. 

"Hurt me."

Blake smiled wickedly. "My pleasure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was requested I give them a less hostile interaction, and I tried, but they decided not to cooperate. I swear these two have minds of their own.
> 
> Happy new year, everyone! Here's a new chapter as a gift. It feels so nice to write for this story again. We've also gained two things here: Extra whump for Bas, and a name for 'the roommate.' 
> 
> It must also be said that this is not in any way a good representation of BDSM or related things- Blake is a terrible person who is taking advantage of Sebastian. This is not safe or sane, and it's barely consensual. This is not the way a healthy BDSM relationship is. Mind the abusive relationship tag on the fic.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later on, when he was rational again, he'd decide that clearly everything would collapse eventually. Was this the worst that would happen? That was yet to be determined.

Sebastian was slammed back into a locker, unable to defend himself as he was reeling from a punch that had landed across his face. He tensed up as the hard metal pressed into his back, swallowing a gasp of pain as he looked at his assailant. Finn hudson was glaring at him, holding him against the locker- a grip which Sebastian knew he couldn't escape, Finn was a lot bigger than he was.

"What did you do to my brother?" His voice was a near-shout. What was this? He hadn't done a thing, though that explained the violent behaviour.

"I haven't done anything."

"I know he confronted you last night, and then he came home upset. Don't lie to me."

"We got into an argument, okay?" This was such an overreaction, though Sebastian couldn't blame him. The grip had become painful. "Let go."

Finn thought about it a moment, but released him. Sebastian curled into himself slightly, rubbing at his arms. They'd be somewhat bruised later. He dared to shoot a glare at the other boy, then left him behind.

***

Finn had seemed angry that morning when he found out about Kurt's run in with Sebastian. He didn't know why, it was his fault for trying to help in the first place, couldn't he see that? 

Kurt was sure he'd calm down and forget soon enough. He always did.

That was, until Sebastian walked into Glee with a bruise blossoming over his cheek. After the argument yesterday he didn't want to ask him directly what happened, so he inquired with his friends. It didn't take long to find out, not with the way most of them were proud of it. With behaviour like this it was no wonder the other was acting weird. He'd done nothing to provoke them and he was getting treated like this, god knows what would happen if he was his asshole self.

Needless to say, he and his stepbrother would be having words after school.

Kurt hoped that other bruises weren't hiding besides that, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't know _why_ he was still worrying about Sebastian, he'd made it quite clear he didn't want the concern, but he supposed it was just in his nature. He could do nothing but watch as Sebastian closed himself off even more, not even meeting anyone's eyes for the whole class.

He obviously hadn't learned much because he considered trying to talk to him again. He dismissed the train of thought after logic caught up, but knew he had to do _something_. With that in mind, he got Mister Schuester's attention after class.

***

Finally seeing the results of being punched earlier that day should have been simple. He'd already gotten much worse injuries in the past couple weeks, this shouldn't have been any worse. That would have been true if it had been anywhere else. Finn had somehow managed to hit him exactly where his father had on _that_ night. It sent his mind spiraling into panic. He dimly recognized the beginning of a panic attack. He tried to gain back control before _he_ came home, but it just made him panic even more. He couldn't do anything but sit there and shake, mind whirling, breath coming out sharp and short.

Later on, when he was rational again, he'd decide that clearly everything would collapse eventually. Was this the worst that would happen? That was yet to be determined.

That's how Blake found him. He gave a calculating look, then urged him up off the floor with a hand on his arm to keep him steady as he moved Sebastian to the bed. He wanted to resist, but he was still trembling and the remains of the panic attack were still clouding his mind. Something cut through it- _is he going to try something_ now? _I can't handle it._ But nothing did happen. Blake lay beside him, examining the bruise.

"What are they doing to you at that school..." He mumbled.

Sebastian didn't respond. He slowly calmed down, and eventually turned to face the other, voice still a little unsteady. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with that, it won't happen ag-" Blake hushed him.

"Not your fault. What happened? I know _I_ didn't leave that mark."

"Fuck, just some people at school. It's not a big deal." It didn't matter.

"I don't want anyone else hurting you." Which, out of context, might have sounded romantic. But not here and not with this person. It wasn't that he didn't want Sebastian hurt- Blake wanted to be the only person hurting him.

"I can't do anything about it."

"Hmm." Was that good or bad? He didn't know. "Are you up for anything tonight?" The tone of voice and the feeling of nails digging into his arm told him he didn't actually have a choice. He forced a smirk onto his face, hoping it was convincing.

"Aren't I always?"

***

"I can't believe you did that!"

"What's your problem? He deserved it." Finn said, his 'you're being crazy' expression in place.

Kurt almost threw his arms in the air at that. " _Finn._ You can't just go around beating people up because you've made an assumption." The other boy opened his mouth, "NO. You can't punch people because you think it's some sort of 'justice' either." Honestly, sometimes everyone around him could be really _stupid._ Maybe that wasn't such a nice thing to think about his friends, but it was true.

"I think you're overreacting."

"No, i'm not."

"You don't like him. I don't like him. No one in Glee likes him!" As if that made everything okay.

"Look, Finn. I know he did something awful, but that doesn't make how everyone is treating him alright." Kurt said. "And don't think I don't know what you've all been doing, i'm not stupid."

"He deserves it, Kurt." Was he just going to keep repeating that?

Kurt walked towards the stairs to his room. "Don't you think he's been punished enough already?" He didn't wait for a reply.

He didn't really know himself why he was so adamant about defending Sebastian. He just knew two things: It was the right thing to do, and something was horribly wrong with the other boy. He still didn't know what it was, but he was going to find out eventually. Kurt could be just as stubborn.

***

"Sebastian!" Shit. This was becoming a regular thing. He didn't know if he had it in him to keep up appearances right now. With a deep sigh, he turned to Mister Schue.

"Yes?"

"Hey, I just wanted to check on you, everyone else talks to me more. How are things at home." Sebastian's defenses went up.

"Fine. They're- fine." Keep calm. It won't do any good to tell him you fucked everything up.

"Nothing wrong at all? Nothing you need help with?" Why was he _pushing?_ Stupid Schuester and his stupid worrying. He didn't need this issue to deal with too. First Kurt, now him. When would he catch a break? Why was anyone bothering? It's not like they actually cared, and he didn't have time for false sympathy.

"Why does it matter?"

The teacher looked a little hurt. "I just want you to know someone cares about your problems." He resisted the urge to laugh at that.

"Whatever you say." He started walking away, leaving behind an even more confused and suspicious Will Schuester. 

Maybe he hadn't handled that as well as he could have. Too late now. He didn't really care what the teacher thought, it's not like he'd be here much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the wait! It's been months, and I didn't mean for it to take that long. I'm rather inconsistent with updating things. I'll try not to take too long with the next update.
> 
> The ending feels more rushed than I'd like, but I don't think it'll get any better. This chapter is a little slow, but next chapter some big changes will happen to our lovely characters...
> 
> For someone who's had them before, writing a panic attack was surprisingly difficult? I did my best.
> 
> Come visit me at http://cliches-and-coffee.tumblr.com/ (And bother me if I don't update)


	9. Interlude - Shape of things we can't ignore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dating was a lot more trouble than he'd ever imagined.

Kurt hadn't thought much of it when he started to get the texts. He never responded to the flirting, didn't lead Chandler on, but the positive messages raised his self-esteem. Between all the stress of college applications, the drama of the Glee club and Sebastian, and Blaine avoiding him, he'd begun to be overwhelmed, and it took some of the pressure off to communicate with someone not involved in all that. His boyfriend? He didn't seem to think it was harmless. He wasn't cheating- this didn't even fit into that definition. It was innocent and neither had any intention to act upon it. And really, Blaine didn't have the right, after ignoring him like he was! If he was so worried about Kurt cheating on him, why didn't he spend more time with him? He understood being insecure, but this was ridiculous. 

Dating was a lot more trouble than he'd ever imagined.

Then he dared to sing that song in front of the New Directions. Blaine was being completely overdramatic and everyone seemed to be taking his side (well, almost everyone, anyway. Sebastian didn't care either way.) This was a mess. Kurt wasn't going to apologize or make some grand, public gesture when he hadn't done anything wrong. If Blaine couldn't come to his senses, perhaps this wasn't meant to be.

But... Maybe it wasn't at all. Maybe they'd rushed into this relationship. It had always seemed a little too perfect- this was the first real fight they'd ever had. All he'd ever heard, couples were supposed to have disputes. It had been a precarious balance from the start, titp-toeing around any possible issues for fear of wrecking what they had. Perhaps this had been inevitable. Maybe they should have talked things over more. they never really had, just jumped straight from close friends to a relationship without second thought. And maybe at the time Kurt had been a little desperate, been upset that out of all his friends he was the one who hadn't dated, still a little thrown off because of _the incident_ and changing to such a different school. And really, Blaine had been the only possible option.

The more he thought about it, thought about the past few months, the more it seemed to make sense.

***

"We need to talk."

"You're just now figuring that out?"

Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing it would just set Blaine off. The opposite of what he was trying to accomplish here. This didn't have to end badly, but he had to be careful how he did this. They both sat down.

"I think this isn't working out, Blaine."

"What?"

"This relationship."

The other stared at Kurt blankly for a moment, then, in a voice far too level, "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Yes. But hear me out! I-"

"You can't deal with the fact that you messed up so you're just going to break up with me? As if that will fix the problem? You don't get to do this."

"Blaine-"

But Blaine had already shoved past him, completely ignoring that he'd spoken. That _hurt_ , but this had to be said. As much as Kurt would love to pretend this was working, it clearly wasn't, not if something as simple as flirty texting set him off. "I don't want to talk about this anymore, Kurt." He said, over his shoulder. Then he'd turned the corner.

That... didn't go as planned. He sighed, wishing he could just go home, not have to try and avoid Blaine for the rest of the day.

***

"I just don't know what to do! He won't listen to what I have to say and I didn't even do anything _wrong._ "

Burt seemed to consider this. "Maybe you should just leave him alone for a while. He'll come around."

"You can't know that!" Kurt knew he was probably overreacting, but didn't he have the right to be worried? This was his first relationship, and to have it end so badly... That wouldn't be a good experience. Not to mention how Blaine had led everyone to believe Kurt had cheated. He'd been practically ignored in Glee. He had honestly hoped they could remain friends, but he just didn't know how to get through to him, it's not like he'd had any experience.

"Look, i'm no expert on this stuff. But i'd say if he won't even talk to you about it, that you shouldn't be around him anyway." Okay... so maybe he was right. It still didn't make what happened today hurt less, but waiting did seem like the best option. He'd known that, deep down, but having his father say it as well helped affirm that.

"I guess."

"Hey, for what it's worth, I didn't believe him. About you cheating, you know, that-" Kurt gave Finn an unamused look, but though he wouldn't admit it, the interruption had lightened the mood. It was nice to know that with all this drama, some things were the same.

"Shouldn't you know better than to walk in on other people's conversations, Finn?"

His brother put up his hands defensively. "I was just going to ask when we were having dinner!"

***

He was forced to wait three agonizing days - and yes, three days wasn't really that awful, but they still felt that way - before he was approached by Blaine. At least this meant Kurt had had the time to really think over all of this, how to word it, what to do if it still wasn't enough to mend everything. And they truly were bad days. With all the pressure he was already under, this certainly wasn't helping his mental health. Kurt found himself doubting his actions more than once, and even feeling guilty. Deep down he knew he shouldn't, but he didn't have great self-esteem in the first place. Whether romantic or not, he loved Blaine and he felt he might be letting their relationship slip from his grasp.

"I... shouldn't have rushed off like that. I overreacted. Do you still want to talk?"

"It wasn't just your fault, I shouldn't have brought it up when I knew you were upset." Kurt knew he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but he understood how it may have looked bad to Blaine, and he should have waited. "But if you're willing to talk this over now, then yes."

"I am."

He sighed. "I just think maybe this isn't a very healthy relationship. This is the first time we've fought, Blaine. We haven't argued over anything else since becoming a couple. We got together because we were friends and there wasn't really anyone else around, and I don't think we thought it through properly. I think.... we were better off as just friends. Does that make sense?"

Blaine didn't respond for a few moments, thinking this over. Finally, "When you put it that way... That does seem accurate." A hint of worry crept into his expression. "So you do still want to be friends, then? Because I don't want us to keep fighting and ignoring each other like this. I miss you."

"I know." He did, too. And also the fact that half the Glee club was on Blaine's side, and the other half on his. This whole thing had really divided them all and they couldn't afford that when they needed to be focused on Nationals. _High School made people get really stupid about things sometimes._ "I think we still have some things to work through, but we don't have to fight anymore."

"Good." 

After they'd hugged, Kurt pulled back and scolded him. "But that display in Glee Club? Really?"

"Sorry?" Blaine shrugged, a little embarrassed. "I guess it was a little much."

_"A little?"_

***

It wasn't hard to figure out what happened, even if Sebastian hadn't heard all about it. All week there'd been a tension in the group from the fight Kurt and Blaine were having. And while he wasn't sure he believed Kurt had cheated as the song seemed to suggest, something must have happened to make it seem that way. Sebastian was the only one who had an outsider's perspective on this and was unable to take a side. And everyone was doing that, which really wasn't ideal with Nationals coming up. Mr. Schuester didn't do a thing about it. Bad teaching on his part.

But by Friday, they appeared to have made up, walking into the choir room together. This was proven a few minutes later by their announcement- 'just friends' they said. They didn't go into detail about why, but Sebastian didn't care much anyway, as long as they'd resolved their spat. 

 

Sebastian remained in his corner of the room in silence, ignoring the pain inside and out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus we're set on the path for our endgame ship. Whilst also remaining blaine-friendly. I know this chapter was a little slow and there's not much of bas in it, but it's necessary for transitional purposes.
> 
> So sorry for the wait! I can't believe it's been four months, I honestly meant to have this out a long time ago. I'm hoping to have another out by the 25th- which will be the one-year anniversary of starting this fic. Not sure if i'll meet that goal, though.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to collapse. Will comes up with a plan.
> 
> Covers the episode Choke.

Every day was an uphill battle. One he was ready to stop fighting. More than once Sebastian found himself having to slip away at school just to _breathe,_ to however briefly escape the constant pressure. There was no rest. At school he was attacked by the New Directions, at 'home' he was hurt nightly, and even his sleep was restless. His only solace was the thought that soon enough the year would be over, and he could... he could... 

What did he think he was going to do?

There was nowhere to go after. He had nothing.

Sebastian was entirely on his own.

 _Why am I even bothering?_ No one cared either way, and there wasn't much point to anything he was doing. Sure, he might be able to scrape by and get a scholarship at a college somewhere, but there would still be expenses that he couldn't pay. He couldn't base his future on that. There was his tentative friendship with Dave, but he couldn't ask anything of him. He'd have better luck getting a job in the summer, but nothing was assured. The truth was, he might not even survive until then.

And Blake certainly wouldn't be too happy to let him go- not that he could do anything legal to keep him here, but... The only stability he had right now was his routine, however miserable it was, and that included going back _there_ at the end of the day. To be completely honest? Sebastian wasn't sure he really wanted to leave. He deserved everything he was getting, deserved every bit of pain filling that hollowness inside him, and he was in so deep that he wasn't sure who he'd be without it all. What would even be left of him?

At least, as the year on, the bullying had begun to wane. He had some days where nothing happened to him. Mr. Schuester was nosy as ever, trailing him in the halls occasionally and making ridiculous conversation. Sebastian would never admit it out loud, but he felt a little safer when this happened- the new directions wouldn't dare do anything in front of their precious teacher. Still, he had to wonder what had led the man to act this way. Had Sebastian really been acting that strangely?

Maybe he could talk to the school counselor? God no, what was he thinking. She wouldn't be able to do anything, and she wouldn't actually care, whatever friendly mask she put on. She was just being paid. People weren't _nice._ Anyway, she had some sort of relationship with Schuester, so it'd get back to him, and there was a good chance it'd then get to his chosen ones... Sebastian didn't want to give them any more to use against him. The physical abuse was bad enough.

*******

Puckerman didn't even try to hide it when he knocked right into Sebastian, making him lose grip on his tray. Well. There went his only meal for the day. He couldn't remember if he'd managed to eat yesterday, either. Things had begun to blur together. If asked, he couldn't tell you what day of the week it was. He knew this was something he should be reacting to, shouting at the idiot over, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Sebastian mechanically dropped off the mostly-empty tray and walked out without a word, aware of the stares hitting his back. It wasn't important. None of this was. A human can go over a month without food. He wouldn't starve to death, and it wouldn't matter if he _did._

He stopped walking, leaned against a wall. He felt disoriented, numb to the world around him. Sebastian wasn't sure where he'd ended up, he'd just wandered aimlessly. Maybe he should stay here for a while. 

 

Sebastian did feel sort of tired... He could feel himself sliding downwards, but couldn't stop the descent. Everything felt heavy, like the air itself was pushing him.

 

It wouldn't hurt to sit down, would it? 

 

He heard a voice, distant and incomprehensible through the rushing in his ears, as he felt himself fall off into unconsciousness.

*******

He hadn't felt so excited in... he wasn't sure how long. Kurt wasn't usually one to take chances like that, to risk it all, but it had been the right choice. At least something was going right in his life. As much as he wasn't one to get so hopeful so _soon_ , there was little doubt he would get into NYADA. Carmen Tibideux complimenting someone like that didn't happen often. Rachel hadn't been so lucky. None of them could've imagined that _Rachel Berry_ would choke. She was devastated, and he did his best to console her, but there was truly nothing to be said that would fix it. She just needed time.

Kurt wondered what Sebastian's college plans were. Everyone else had said _something_ about what they meant to do after graduating, all except him. He was probably going to some Ivy League college, Kurt didn't think the boy- or his parents- would settle for less. It's not like he couldn't afford it.

But then, he hadn't been doing well in school, from what Kurt could tell. His health seemed to be deteriorating, and it went unnoticed by everyone else. Kurt wondered what Sebastian's relationship with his parents was like. He'd never mentioned them, but he imagined they were often busy. Maybe they simply didn't interact much. Kurt couldn't imagine having that sort of home life. He himself was so close with his dad, and now, Carole. To not have that relationship would be upsetting.

It was all speculation, it didn't really matter. Kurt doubted he'd ever learn anything about the subject. It was hard enough getting Sebastian to talk to him at all. Not that it wasn't understandable, but it felt like a complete reversal of their roles. Kurt should've been the one who refused to talk to him, and yet here they were. 

He hoped Sebastian was getting emotional support from _someone._

*******

He woke to find himself on a cot. He almost closed his eyes again, then it hit him. Why would he be- Sebastian glanced around. Oh. The nurse's office? How had he ended up here? He vaguely remembered wandering off, but everything after the lunchroom incident was a blur. His mind was still hazy. It was... somewhat of a respite, compared to the chaos it usually was. Not that that was a good thing. One more reminder of how far he'd sunk.

"You're awake!" Of course he'd be here. There went any semblance of peace. Sebastian sat up, a little too jerkily, still sort of dizzy, and looked at Mr. Schuester, who had a strange expression that was a mix of worry and elation that he'd awoken on his face.

"What happened?" 

"You fainted. You're lucky I was around to find you." His pleasant demeanor faded. "Sebastian, the nurse says you're malnourished."

"I'm fine." 

"You need to take better care of yourself. You always seem tired in Glee and I need you all at your best." There was that self-centeredness. He only cared because he didn't want Sebastian collapsing in the middle of winning them a trophy, didn't he? He'd almost thought for a moment- no. That had been dumb from the start, of _course_ Schuester didn't care. Why would he? 

"It's my business. Don't worry, I won't ruin your chances of winning nationals." He couldn't remember the last time he'd allowed himself to speak with so much bite to his words. But the fact was, the man wouldn't do a thing to him. Even if Sebastian didn't trust him, he wasn't the type, and if not that, he wouldn't risk his job. Still, if he hadn't been so angry (maybe more at himself for starting to think Mr. Schuester cared than anything), he wouldn't have risked that. 

Schuester frowned. "That's not how I meant it. I'm worried about you." 

"Right."

"If there's anything I can do-"

"No." Mr. Schuester looked almost _hurt_... He'd honestly expected that whole speech to work? 

"The offer stands." Right. Until Sebastian actually tried to ask, and then he'd be told _I don't have time_ or _I didn't mean it seriously._ He wasn't that naïve. Desperate as he was, he wasn't willing to face that rejection.

The teacher stood, walking to the door, before turning back. "You should sing something in Glee."

Right. He hadn't done that since joining. Sure, Sebastian showed up. He sang in the background. But it had been... he couldn't recall. A long time, since he'd actually done any real singing. There was a part of him that missed it, a deep longing, but he didn't want to be shot down by the others for trying to solo. They couldn't do much in front of Mr. Schue, and maybe he was overreacting. But with the way they'd been- rightfully- treating him, it wasn't a risk he wanted to take. "I don't think so."

Schuester gave him that ridiculous pitying look. "If that's what you really want." 

He left. Sebastian let himself think about the fact that part of him was dying, and there was _nothing_ he could do about it.

*******

The phone was picked up on the second ring. "Sebastian?"

"...Yeah."

"Did something happen?" Oh. That was concern. Sebastian must've sounded worse than he thought he did. He didn't know why anyone would be concerned about him. He wasn't worth it. But Dave wouldn't know that yet, from the handful of times they'd talked since the hospital.

"I passed out in school today." _God. Just start venting at him, why don't you. Of course he wants to hear that, not like he isn't going through enough of his own problems! Stupid, Bas._ "I don't- I don't even know how it happened..."

"I think you do know."

Sebastian fell silent. Of course he'd see through that.

"...But if you don't wanna talk about it, don't."

"Thanks." Anyone else wouldv'e pressured him to, but Dave knew what it was like to feel like shit. He didn't know if he'd ever talk about... this, and he certainly didn't have anything else to mention, he really just called for the reassurance- "Can we just... talk?" 

"Yeah."

Sebastian forgot about his mess of a life for the next half hour as they talked about anything and everything but.

*******

"Do you have any idea what you caused?" Mr. Schuester stood in front of Puck, having taken him aside before he left the school- there'd been no Glee today, as the majority of the group were helping Kurt and Rachel audition- disappointment clear on his face. It had taken some work, but he'd found out what happened at lunch. Will was _not pleased._

"Hey, I didn't do anything he didn't deserve."

He hated how his students were still so nonchalant about things like this, after all that had happened over the years. "That's not your choice to make."

Puck shrugged, looking bored and a little irritated, but not guilty. He had no remorse for what he'd done, and Will didn't think explaining just how bad off it had left Sebastian would do any good. He'd tried that many times before- talking rarely got through to these kids.

But... that was just it. The idea began to form in his head, something that might help everyone.

 

Will knew what he had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long?? I'm so sorry? I don't know how this happened? ~~me being unmotivated and bad at updating is how it happened~~
> 
> This feels a little too choppy, and I'm not quite satisfied, but I don't want to spend another month procrastinating. We're closing in on the climax of the fic now. I'm estimating about four more chapters left. I'm going to try to get out one a month, though it could be more or less often. 
> 
> I ran into the issue of when the NYADA auditions happened? Like, did they take the day off school? Was it after? On the weekend? I settled on them leaving a little early to go to the audition, but it did have me stuck for a while.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed? I promise it won't be- 7 months?- between updates again.


	11. Chapter 11

"So, this week's theme: something you're struggling with." Someone in the room groaned. "And before you get any ideas, participation is mandatory." Will gave Sebastian a pointed look. Someone else glared at him. As if the mandatory detail was his fault, which, he was getting that it kind of was. But he didn't want this any more than they did.

"Mr. Schue, _why._ "

"Because it's important to understand that others may be going through things that you have no idea about. And as a group, we should support each other." Many of them still seemed unhappy about the assignment, but there were no further arguments."Good. Now..."

 

***

 

He didn't know what they _wanted_ from him. He had nothing to offer and he'd never been kind, _certainly_ not to Kurt. Who seemed to have gotten some others into his _Give Sebastian Concerned Looks When You Pass Him_ thing. Sebastian truly didn't understand it. He just wanted to be done here. And he sure as fuck wasn't sharing his feelings or problems with any of them. Seeing what a mess he really was would definitely drive Kurt off for good. Which... was what he wanted, wasn't it? Why did the idea of such a thing happening make dread fill him? Maybe he was just that desperate for attention. Positive attention. Not like...

He shook his head. It wasn't time to think about that. No, he needed to think about what he was going to do for the assignment. He didn't _want_ to do anything particularly personal, not here, not now. But something inside told him that he _should._ Maybe it was the only way he was ever going to get some of his pent up feelings out without being ridiculed for it. It didn't have to obvious. Something... subtle. That maybe only he knew why it related to himself.

Sebastian had the perfect song.

 

***

 

Kurt was very pleased about this. Not for himself, but because he knew what Mr. Schuester was trying to accomplish with this assignment, and it was _perfect._ He'd finally found a way to hopefully get Sebastian talking... well, singing. The incident the week before where he collapsed had just made Kurt all the more worried. Something was _very_ wrong here.

With prom coming up, there was a lot of buzz in the school about that in general, but with Brittany organizing, he couldn't help but hear a lot about it and inevitably get dragged into the planning. Between that and worrying about Nationals, and his own song for Glee, he didn't have a lot of time to think on Sebastian. It wasn't until the very last day of the week came that he really remembered, as he watched the boy rise reluctantly and stand in front of them all.

Kurt wasn't sure what to expect. He'd half expected Sebastian to somehow find a way to avoid it.

 

The first notes began to play.

 

***

 

The week dragged on as slow as ever, and everyone did their theme-of-the-week song. Most of the choices were obvious in how they represented the person singing, others weren't as much. Sebastian was dreading the day when his turn came.

At least things had been calm this week. He'd only been shoved in the hall once, and Blake hadn't been too rough.

They practiced vigorously for Nationals. It was fast approaching, and for many of them, it was the last chance they'd have to compete, and more importantly, _win._ Not that Sebastian had a solo, but hey, at least he'd have 'won nationals' to put on his resume if they did win. Maybe it would help him get into a college. Maybe not. Maybe he'd stay here forever...

He pushed the thought from his mind. Not the time. He needed to be focused. This was his time now, and he couldn't afford to fuck it up. (He'd done enough ruining things already.)

"Today, Sebastian will sing."

 

He ignored the eyes he could feel on him as he stood.

 

Sebastian took a steadying breath, and started before he could question it once again.

 _Step one; you say we need to talk_  
_You walk, you say sit down, it's just a talk_  
_He smiles politely back at you_  
_You stare politely right on through_

 _Some sort of window to your right_  
_As he goes left, and you stay right_  
_Between the lines of fear and blame_  
_You begin to wonder why you came_

 _Where did I go wrong?_  
_I lost a friend_  
_Somewhere along in the bitterness_  
_And I would have stayed up with you all night_  
_Had I known how to save a life_

 

A brief glance around the room showed that he had gotten everyone's attention- no one was reacting much yet, he found blank or scrutinizing expressions (Kurt in particular looked like he was trying to figure Sebastian out), so he continued on without hesitation.

 

 _Let him know that you know best_  
_'Cause after all you do know best_  
_Try to slip past his defense_  
_Without granting innocence_

 _Lay down a list of what is wrong_  
_The things you've told him all along_  
_Pray to god he hears you_  
_I pray to god you hear me_

 _Where did I go wrong?_  
_I lost a friend_  
_Somewhere along in the bitterness_  
_And I would have stayed up with you all night_  
_Had I know how to save a life_

 

The next part was the most difficult. Not vocally. Just in the way it compared to _that_ night...

 

 _As he begins to raise his voice_  
_You lower yours, get granted one last choice_  
_Drive until you lose the road_  
_Or break with the ones you followed_

__

_He will do one of two things_  
_He will admit to everything_  
_Or he'll say you're just not the same_  
_And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

 

_Where did I go-_

 

Sebastian choked. He couldn't- he couldn't do this. It felt like admitting too much and not enough and suddenly all the feelings he'd tried to repress about that night had risen up again. He didn't want to cry in front of the group. Didn't want to have a panic attack again. They didn't need more ammunition to use against him. Shit. He couldn't breath, couldn't- He was hyperventilating. He had to- get out. _Out._

He ignored Mr. Schuester's call after him as he rushed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TITLE DROP!
> 
> Sorry about the wait on this one. I know it's a pretty short chapter, but it's very important nonetheless. My favorite scene of the fic comes in the next chapter- which is half written already, hopefully it won't take so long.
> 
> I don't usually include the lyrics to songs in fics, but it was necessary to get the effect I wanted here. Who guessed I'd be using this one at some point? (I think everyone knows this song, but if you don't, it's How To Save A Life by The Fray, with some minor tweaks to fit the fic)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt knew it wasn't going to be enough to immediately change everyone's mind, but it seemed to get through, more than anything had so far. It was a start. That's all he would need to begin fixing this situation. But now, there was something else he needed to do.

The class was uncharacteristically silent after Sebastian left. No one really knew how to respond to what had happened. That song and the raw emotion put into it had been entirely unexpected, and everyone was wondering what exactly it meant, and if maybe they'd gone too far this time. Or, that's what Kurt ~~hoped~~ imagined they were thinking, because what else could get them all to shut up like this?

"Well." Artie said. "I think I speak for all of us when I say: what just happened?"

"I think Sebastian just proved he has feelings." It would've sounded like a jab coming from anyone but Brittany, who only meant it in complete honestly.

"Who knew?" Someone said, heavy with sarcasm, and Kurt snapped. Even after all that, people were still acting like Sebastian was some sort of monster, like he wasn't a human being who deserved to be treated with at least some amount of respect, and he'd had more than enough of it.

"Maybe you would know if you'd bothered to pay attention." Something in his voice made everyone stop and listen. It wasn't anger over something trivial- he was _furious,_ and they could hear it. "He's been on a downward spiral for _weeks!_ But none of you cared, did you? You were too busy tearing him down."

"That asshole got what was coming to him." Puck sneered.

"Why are you defending him? After what he did?"

"Guys-" Mr. Schuester started.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Don't be a bleeding heart, Hummel."

"No one deserves that! I would know, damnit!" Then Kurt whirled on Puck. "And you! You stopped with all the bullying to the people here, and go right back to it as soon as you have an excuse to! And that applies to you too, Finn!"

"He's right." Mercedes said, and Kurt looked to her. "This got real out of hand."

"Listen, I more than anyone have the right to be mad at Sebastian, but don't you think this has gone on long enough, guys?" Blaine added.

"Maybe we should all try considering things from his point of view." Mr. Schuester said.

The class was speechless for a moment as the words sank in. Kurt knew it wasn't going to be enough to immediately change everyone's mind, but it seemed to get through, more than anything had so far. It was a start. That's all he would need to begin fixing this situation. But now, there was something else he needed to do. And it was important that he did it before it was too late. 

 

"I'm going to find him." Kurt said, not waiting for a reply before he ran out in the direction Sebastian had.

 

***

 

He found Sebastian outside the school, sitting against one of the walls with knees bent- not quite pulled up to his chest, but still closed-off. His head was tilted back to rest against the bricks behind him. He didn't move, though Kurt knew he was still well within Sebastian's sight. "You finally here to give me what I deserve?" Kurt was almost shocked to hear the seriousness in his tone- not a trace of sarcasm. "I won't fight you."

"I'll have you know I've been fighting to make that shit stop." That made him look over directly. He stared for a short moment, then shook his head and looked away. 

"What do you want, then?"

"I want to know what's wrong with you. You've been acting strange since you started coming here- and why did you really come here, anyway?- and I'm tired of avoiding the issue. What happened?" When he was met with silence, Kurt sighed. "Listen. No one can help you if you don't let them."

"No one wants to help me anyway."

"I do."

He was about to give up when Sebastian finally spoke. "I got kicked out."

 _"What?_ Surely he wasn't saying what Kurt thought he was saying. Maybe he meant he'd been kicked out of Dalton?

"I got disowned, Kurt."

"Oh my god." The song suddenly made sense. How had no one seen the signs? How hadn't _Kurt?_ What did he say to this admission? 'Sorry' alone was trite... He'd had no idea there were any problems with Sebastian's home life, only knew his family was rich. Maybe he'd assumed because of that, they wouldn't dare do something as controversial as disowning their son. What would be so terrible...? "Can I ask why?"

Sebastian laughed, sharp and broken, like glass shards. It scared Kurt. People didn't make sounds like that for no reason, and not _Sebastian Smythe._ "Because I'm gay, why else? I mean, maybe that was just his excuse to get rid of my worthless ass. Doesn't matter either way." Kurt didn't even know where to start on everything wrong with that sentence.

"And you didn't say anything because of the way we treated you." It wasn't a question.

"Can you honestly say anyone would've cared? Come on."

Kurt didn't bother with _I would have._ The other didn't want to hear it. He sat down next to him, cautiously reaching out to touch his shoulder in an effort to comfort. Sebastian _flinched._

"Sorry, I won't-"

"No! I just wasn't expecting-" Sebastian was a wreck. Who had hurt him? Was this reaction all from the bullying? "It's fine."

"But you're not."

"I..." Well. What use was there trying to hide it at this point? It was obvious to everyone. "No. I'm not."

Admitting it out loud was something between terrible and relieving.

"It's okay. You're allowed to be upset."

"No, I'm not!" Sebastian snapped. "I deserved it!"

Kurt didn't even flinch. "You think you deserved to be disowned."

"That and everything that's happened since."

"That's ridiculous, Sebastian. No one deserves that. Not even you." He meant the last part in a joking way, but it just seemed to make Sebastian tear up. 

"You of all people care more than my own family." Sebastian whispered, more to himself than to Kurt. He felt a tear hit his hand, and it opened the floodgates. He started sobbing uncontrollably.

Sebastian hadn't cried properly since the night that must not be mentioned. Maybe he shed a tear occasionally, but not... this. He would've never wanted anyone to see him like this before. He still didn't.

Kurt hesitated for a bit, unsure of how to react to that, but finally wrapped an arm around him carefully. Sebastian didn't react like he had before. He leaned into Kurt instead, like he'd been deprived of attention, physical contact. God. He was comforting the person who was his enemy not more than a few months ago. Things had changed. He'd had no idea... he should've tried harder to stop the others from treating him how they had. He couldn't imagine what it had been like, to deal with that on top of _this._ He'd known something was wrong, but the truth was worse than he'd expected.

It took a while for Sebastian to calm, and Kurt didn't speak until the tears had ended. It was getting late into the afternoon, and he knew his dad would've expected him home by now. He hadn't wanted to disturb what fragile thing he'd managed to build between them here, so he hadn't tried to text about being late. They were lucky no one had spotted them here.

"Better?" He asked, not sure what to say.

"A little." 

He waited a minute, not wanting to seem like he was rushing Sebastian to leave. He was already struggling enough, Kurt didn't want him to start thinking he didn't care again. "Do you think you're good enough to make it home?"

Sebastian shuddered at the word _home._

Something was beginning to dawn on him, and he didn't like it. He hadn't considered where Sebastian might be staying, though he should have as soon as he found out. "Sebastian... where are you living?" Kurt asked. 

"Not a great place."

It took only an instant for him to make up his mind. "Come on. You're coming with me."

 

***

 

"Who's this?" The man- Kurt's dad?- looked a little suspicious. Maybe he thought this was Kurt bringing home a boyfriend to meet him. Sebastian almost laughed at the thought. As if he would ever want to date a mess like himself.

"This is Sebastian. He... is also in Glee club."

"Nice to meet you, Sebastian." He didn't sound particularly pleased, eyes appraising Sebastian. Not angry either, but... This idea suddenly seemed like a bad one. This whole thing was making him anxious, and though he knew Kurt wouldn't have suggested this if his dad were going to react badly, Sebastian was afraid of just that.

"Dad, Sebastian needs to stay here tonight."

"You want another boy to stay overnight?"

"Not like that!" Kurt said quickly, not wanting this to go _there._ "He..." He looked at Sebastian, silently asking how much he could say.

Sebastian sighed. Might as well do it himself. "I got disowned, okay? Kurt wanted to help, but if that's a problem, I'll just go-"

The man raised his hand, silencing Sebastian, who barely surpressed a flinch. "Say no more. I'm not just gonna to kick you out if you have nowhere to stay. I guess you've already had enough of that, right?" 

He honestly wasn't sure how to respond to that. It wasn't at all what he'd expected. But Kurt's father wasn't what he expected, either, and maybe he could look past his paranoia, just for tonight. "...Yeah."

Dinner was a bit of a tense affair, Finn glaring at Sebastian across the table (though something about it was less harsh than before), but Kurt and his stepmother, Carole, were good mediators. The woman had been a bit _too_ enthusiastic in welcoming Sebastian, not a trace of falsity in it, and he didn't know what to make of it. Maybe he was just too unused to such kindness. Even when he did still live with his family, people who were nice always wanted something. That was the way the world worked.

He wondered what it was he would have to do to pay back this help he was receiving.

Still, it was nice to actually have a meal. He hadn't had anything like this since he left home, and after a few weeks with little food, it was a relief to feel like he wasn't slowly starving.

He wondered if Blake would would notice or care that he was gone. He hoped that whatever the case, there wouldn't be any backlash. Who knew how long he'd be allowed to stay with Kurt's family- maybe only tonight. And when he was on his own again, he'd probably go right back to Blake. Where else would he go? 

He didn't want to dwell on the thought.

 

***

They dragged out an extra mattress and proceeded to get it into Kurt's room- despite Sebastian's insistence that _he could just use a blanket and pillow, he'd be fine, really._ They were having none of that. After Carole stopped fussing over Sebastian and left, his dad gave one more warning about what they shouldn't be getting up to, much to Kurt's exasperation, and said goodnight. Then they were alone. Kurt went to shower after Sebastian declined the offer to do so, and had barely gotten dressed for bed when he got a call. Mercedes.

"Kurt, everything okay? You never showed up again after you ran off to find..."

"I'm... fine. Sebastian's not, but I think that was obvious."

"I think even Puck got that."

"Well, good. It's about time." He'd been one of the worst, after all. Kurt had thought that he'd gotten past those bully tendencies by now, and he hated that all of this had proven him wrong. 

Mercedes probably would've laughed at that if the situation wasn't what it was. "What happened?"

"It's not my place to tell you. But he's staying at my house for the time being."

"Is that a good idea?"

Kurt glanced over at Sebastian, who was sitting on the edge of the mattress and staring off into space, posture slumped. It was hard to reconcile that with the person Mercedes was thinking of. "It's fine, but I appreciate the concern."

"Hey, if you're sure. I trust your judgement." 

The conversation wrapped up pretty quickly after that, and he put his focus back on Sebastian. He'd said all he could already, earlier- Kurt didn't know what he could do for Sebastian now. The best he could do now was let the boy think on things himself, and not interfere. It all still felt a little surreal. "It's getting late. Do you need anything else?"

Sebastian's eyes snapped over to him, brought out of his trance. "I.. no. You've done enough."

"Right. I'm going to get some sleep now. You should too." Kurt didn't have to sat that he looked exhausted, they both knew that Sebastian _was._

"I will." 

That settled it. The lights went off, and the room was settled into a not uncomfortable silence. He'd almost drifted off when he heard a quiet voice.

"Kurt?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene outside the school! Listen. This whole fic was written for that scene. I thought of it then realized there needed to be context, so I thought I'd write a multichapter... and then it ended up taking me 2 years to get to the scene.
> 
> I feel like everything else in the chapter besides that part is a little lacking, but it's long past time I update. Sorry for the wait, hopefully this was worth it!
> 
> I'm not sure how accurate my characterization is on Mercedes and Burt, it's been a while since I've watched Glee and since I've also never written either of them...
> 
> I had to turn off anonymous commenting. I'm sorry to anyone who was leaving anon comments before, but I had to, because I was getting some unpleasant comments. I hope it doesn't inconvenience anyone too much. 
> 
> Chapter number is set at 15 now! It might be only 14, I'm not sure yet, but the fic is drawing to a close.
> 
> Cliches-and-coffee on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own. Feedback appreciated.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [What did I do wrong](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13695378) by [WolfKomoki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki)




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